eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
