So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
