The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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