It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
