Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
