Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
