I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
