She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
