Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
