Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
