He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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