dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
