I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize