You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
