Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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