this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
