Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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