Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
