Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
