just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
