your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
