The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
