tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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