he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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