That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
