Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
