i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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