I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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