I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
