"it" just moved
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
