I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
