K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
