I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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