so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
