i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
