If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
