I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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