i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
