I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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