i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
