My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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