I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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