I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
