I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
