Umm I'm too high to move.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
