Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
