doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
