So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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