I want to make a zoo with you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
