You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
