Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When are your genitals available?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
