I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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