ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I deserve this hangover.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
