just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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