I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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