Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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