I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
