So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My dick has a subreddit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
