No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
