The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
