I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
