this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
