My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please don't give away my fajitas
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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