You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
