GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
