btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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