So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
