Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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