the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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