You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize