They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
