I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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