i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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