Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
