Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
