Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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