God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
