so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
